How to be Happy
If you ask most people what they want in life, they’ll likely say; to be happy. But since happiness isn’t a permanent state, and we don’t get to feel it all the time, maybe what we really need is something more stable: to be content.
The Power of Contentment
See, contentment is not about constant excitement or having everything you desire. It’s about appreciating what you have right now and recognizing the value of your life as it is. It’s about finding peace in the present moment instead of always waiting for things to improve or jumping 2 to 3 steps ahead. The path to contentment comes from fulfilling our basic human needs, one step at a time. A helpful framework for understanding this is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
The Maslow Hierarchy of Needs Approach: A Guide to Fulfillment
Psychologist Abraham Maslow created a hierarchy of human needs that serves as a roadmap for growth, fulfillment, and yes, happiness. I personally follow this approach and reflect on where I am as I grow and develop through life.
Here’s a breakdown of the five levels:
- Basic Needs – Food, water, shelter, sleep. Without these, it’s hard to focus on anything else.
- Safety Needs – Financial stability, good health, a secure and predictable environment.
- Love and Belonging – Deep relationships, connection, and a sense of community.
- Self-Esteem – Confidence, achievement, and a healthy sense of self-worth.
- Self-Actualization – Living with purpose, expressing your potential, and becoming who you’re truly meant to be.
The Basics must start with you
Why? Because no one is coming to save you or fulfil your needs. That’s your job. If you want better relationships, success, or happiness, it all begins with you. No one is going to hand you the life or the happiness you want. You have to take ownership of that and make it happen. How?
Love Yourself First
If you don’t truly love yourself, how can you expect to love someone else in a meaningful way?
Loving yourself isn’t about being perfect. It’s about accepting who you are—flaws, mistakes, and all. When you embrace your imperfections, you become more capable of embracing others as they are, without judgment. It also means investing in your growth, your dreams, and your wellbeing—not relying on others to build your life for you.
Regardless of where you are in life, loving yourself begins with recognizing that we all have two sides: a lower self and a higher self.
Your lower self wants ease, comfort, and avoidance—it tells you to skip the gym, snooze your alarm, or delay your dreams.
Your higher self drives growth. It’s the voice that shows up when you push through resistance, make hard choices, and stay disciplined even when it’s inconvenient.
Self-love is choosing your higher self more often. Not perfectly, just consistently. Progress, not perfection. Show up for yourself—even on the tough days—and you’ll build resilience, confidence, and a deep sense of self-worth.
And when you’re faced with a decision, ask yourself: Which version of me is deciding right now? Choose the one that aligns with the person you’re becoming. That’s how self-love grows. And that’s where happiness begins..
Don’t fall into the comparison trap
If you ever feel lost in life, pause and ask: Where am I in Maslow’s pyramid? What needs do I need to tend to right now?
Everyone is navigating their own version of this journey. What you might have in abundance, someone else may be craving—and vice versa.
The neighbor with luxury and wealth might deeply miss love and connection. Another person might have a joyful relationship but be battling chronic illness. We don’t always see what others are carrying. So stay in your lane. Focus on your own growth, your own needs. That’s where peace lives.
It’s also important to understand that few people ever meet all five needs at once, and even fewer get to keep them all forever. Life can knock us down the pyramid. Sometimes we’re stuck at level one or two—trying to heal, recover, and rebuild.
A Story of Survival and Grace
To give you a deeper understanding of this, A close friend of mine is married, and her husband has stage 4 cancer. She longs for their old life—the laughter, the shared time with their kids, the sense of normal. But right now, he can’t be the source of her happiness. He’s in survival mode, pouring all his energy into healing. His focus is on basic needs, and that means emotional connection and intimacy have to take a back seat.
That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her. It just means he’s prioritizing survival. And in times like these, she has to create her own sense of happiness, her own sense of normal.
That doesn’t mean abandoning him either. It means finding balance. Caring for her emotional needs, staying connected to friends, doing things that lift her spirit – because the more grounded she is, the more she can support him without losing herself.
This is the grace we give each other in hard times. Because one day, it might be us who need the understanding. Real love shows up not only when life is easy, but when it’s hard.
So… How Do You Be Happy?
You build it from the inside out.
You tend to your needs. You choose your higher self.
You stop comparing and start appreciating.
You give love—even when it’s hard.
You take full ownership of your path.
Happiness isn’t just a feeling. It’s a practice. And when you make peace with where you are—while still growing toward where you want to be—that’s where true happiness lives.